Ephesians 3:20

Every summer since Clifford was about 7, I can remember scrolling on Facebook reading post after post from parents sending their children to summer camps. I remember feeling envious, but hopeful, wondering if Clifford would ever be able to enjoy the experience of an overnight summer camp whether for a weekend, one week or even two.

My Ego at the time spoke to my spirit, telling it "no".

"He'll never be mature enough to remember to take his medicine."

"There won't be a place that will be accepting of him and his needs."

"No one is going to be able to handle him."

Every negative thought I could imagine would take over my being until I would go into a state of depression, overwhelmed by my son's developing need and not knowing what the future holds.

And understand, this summer was no different! I sat in church a few months ago, listening to the pastor talk excitedly about KAA Camp. I reflected on how I use to want to attend but we were always busy and how maybe now, my son could go! Ego stepped in, once again, with the negativity, shutting down my optimism. I became angry at the thought! Because how dare the church not be accommodating to my child's need! HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO!

Then I remembered where I was, so I quickly calmed my Ego down. Which wasn't hard to do, because Ego was pleased. Ego had won once again. I had given up on the thought of my child every experiencing anything like a summer camp.

Who can relate?

How many times have we set the limit for our children just in our own minds? How many events have our children not experienced because WE said, "it probably won't go well anyway". I had counted my son out well before he was ever given the opportunity to just try. My own thoughts had already closed doors to opportunities and relationships that would allow him to experience life as he should.

Now answer this: who are we to even think that we hold that type of power and control?

I laugh at the type of control that I think I have in any situation regarding my son. So many times, God reminds me that I am not in control, and yet, I still try to pretend as if I am the one playing the role of "decision maker". And yes, it's human nature. It's Ego. But the reality is, I relinquished all control when I decided to become a mother.

Even in something so minute as going to a summer camp, God showed that He holds all of the cards and I simply need to trust and have faith in Him. Because who knew that in 2023, my son would join a lacrosse team that held programming over the summer that included a day camp adventure.

God knew.

And how excited I was when I got the email about the opportunity. It was in immediate YES! He must go! He has to go! Oh, but Ego. With its desire for control. Ego tried to silence my spirit with thoughts of "it's too dangerous" and "what of the other children...". I ignored the noise and I sent our RSVP because "maybe I can go with him and that way everything will be fine".

I was so excited when the coach responded that they were happy that Clifford would be attending, but no mom, there won't be parent chaperones. Shoot! Maybe, he can't....no! We are doing this!

I had 101 conversations with Clifford about this day. Giving him a little more information each time. He was never all in. He had his own Ego to temper. Hiking? Absolutely not. Swimming? I'm there. Rock Climbing? Ok, we are NOT going. Boat ridging? Ok, I'm in. And we went back and forth for weeks. Everyone did. Everyone had concerns. Everyone wanted to be in control of a situation that God alone was overseeing. Here He was answering my prayers, and here I was, questioning him. Lord, forgive me.

Ephesians 3:20 reads "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding and abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us," and my God was definitely working in us.

It should never be "no" just because my child has a neurodiversity. It should always be "how can I and the people around him make it possible"...and that goes for all children. Because there is something greater working in us and our children that we cannot see. Being a parent to a child with special needs is a daily faith walk.

Yes! He will make friends.

Yes! She will speak.

Yes! They will excel in school.

Not because of anything that we as parents could do or any doctor or any type of medication, whether holistic or pharmaceutical, but because of God and what He is doing for us, around and through us. That's it. That's the word.

And when my 5:30am alarm went off this morning, Ego tried one more time to challenge my faith. And this time, through my mother. "Why are we sending him? What if he gets angry and runs away?"

But what if he doesn't. What if he has an amazing time and everything goes fine. We have to let him go. Because by not letting him go, what are we saying about all that he is able to do.

And we got up together and made sure he was absolutely ready for his day. Thank God I purchased this amazing back pack from Amazon (with insurance) because it absolutely came in handy.

My young man was so excited to go. And when he saw his favorite teammate was going, because that was the one thing I could not tell him when he asked "who all gon' be there?", his nerves cooled even more.

On the drive there, I prayed. I spoke the word of God to God and reminded Him of His promises. I spoke God's word over the fear. I spoke God's word over the anxiety. I prayed that ever person that comes into contact with my child today meets with him a heart made in the image of God, filled with patience, kindness and understanding. Then I praised God for the memories that my son will surely make today. I thanked Him for how He is going to cover my son today. I thanked Him for the stories I will surely hear later about how the day went! And I freed myself of fear and worry. Today will be great!

All glory to God, I will not be scrolling social media, wishing my son could experience time away from home making memories with friends over the summer. Because God made a way this year. I pray that I carry this lesson with me for the next time Ego tries to use me to deny my son of anything due to fleshly worries. If it is Gods desire, it will happen when and how He wills it to. I am not in control.

And my prayer is that more parents say "yes" to the opportunity. More parents say "yes" to just going. Our children are capable and we serve a mighty God that can and will accomplish infinitely more than we ever could.