I AM

(This post originally published on August 26, 2020)

Being a single mother to a Black Boy is not easy. Add a bunch of labels and letters of ADHD and ASD behind the name and the struggles of being parent are amplified to the tenth degree.

Clifford and I have had some seriously tough days this summer. But every day is a new day to try again. I’ve been pushing myself to take ownership of EVERYTHING. Because at the end of the day, I can only control my actions and how I engage in responding to his need.

So today, I’m setting up his CEO Office for virtual learning (cus my 8 year old knows what a CEO is and that gets him excited for the days work lol) and I head to Google because “he needs some wall art in his office....let’s do affirmations for Black Boys!” First image is of this handsome young and happy black boy with the words “I Am”. Then it list all of these positive words: bold, brilliant, courageous....I almost printed it. Then I thought “I can make this so my baby can see himself in these words.” A few clicks later and viola!

In my neurotypical mind, I told myself “oh he’s gonna love this!” Wrong!

His reaction: “THIS SUCKS!”

...and he stormed off.

But I didn’t give up. We did our bedtime routine and I showed him the image again. And I said “Clifford, I want you to read every word, but each time you read a new word I want you to say ‘I AM’ and then the word.” He rushed through it. But he did it. Then I said, “now look at the first letter of each word”. He began to spell the letters and when he realized it was his name, his entire face lit up....”CLIFFORD!” Yes! “Now this time, I want you to go through it again, and at the end, I want you to say ‘I Am Clifford’. And say each word like the strong confident young man you are.”

He cleared his throat and blasted each one out, loud and proud, and then ended with a roaring “I AM CLIFFORD!” before jumping on the bed. It made the entire day worth it.

Everyday I am learning and trying to make the right moves so that through whatever comes his way, he can be his best self against it. Moms, it’s not easy. Sometimes we want to give up. Like I’ve said before....don’t hold that in! Cry and cry some more. And when you’re done crying, get back to it! You got this! You were purposed for this 💙